“Coming Home” is a strange expression. Except for family, pretty much everyone else is a stranger here and the place has no resemblance to the memory of it inside my head. However, India teaches you fast.
The below are the ten commandments that i learnt in the past two days as I tried to book an online flight ticket, buy the latest LED TV, get my home documents from the bank and reconfigure the kitchen. I am pretty sure I will be fully “Indianized” and ready before the Rickshaw run starts on Apr 7th.
Enjoy the insights and add your very own “India Commandments” in comments.
1) What can be done today, can be planned and postponed to day after tomorrow!
2) To get any important document, you have to go through minimum of 5 verification process. 4 of them are to verify that the previous person verified properly.
3) If you have Money, then all regular prices will be increased by 20% and you will get a free chai and respect!
4) If you know important people, then all regular prices will be decreased by 20% and you will get a free chai and respect!
5) If you have Money and know important people, then all prices will be slashed 50% or given free for a favor in future and you will be treated like the owner!
6) “Waiting charges” are inversely proportional to the amount of money saved by your mom’s bargain at the mall! The ratio is 3:1 in favor of “waiting charges”!
7) If you’re not brand conscious, you’re cheap! If you are brand conscious and end up not buying the most expensive brand, you’re cheap!
8) Do not argue with the salesman over the merits of the product. He can say more “Yes Sir” than you can count and will try to sell you the same product you argued against!
8) All estimates of household contracting work will increase by 40%.
9) Allocate an hour of Meditation, pop anti-anxiety medication and spend forty minutes over telephone with customer service if you are planning to do “Online” shopping at Indian websites!
10) Every person you met during your last trip to India remembers exactly how much weight you have lost/gained now, even if the last time was 15 years ago! The pecking order for success is
1) Rich and Thin – 5 out of 5
2) Rich and Average – 3 out of 5
3) Rich and overweight.- 1 out of 5 unless you are super rich like the Ambanis! In that case, it is 10 out of 5!